3:29 AM
alone* in the rain;
SOmetimes i wish i could have a chance to say all the things i wanted to...
"I really meant wat i said, for every word that i've promised, for everything tt i do, i do it for a reason...governed by my heart and soul...tho sometimes actions do not act as they were meant to be.... trust me for every word i said. I endured, i suffered, i joked, smiled and laughed... Tears were meant to roll, in times of happiness, in times of sadness... having u is a blessing for me, i wondered if i ever told u b4, really, it's a miracle that one meets another in the world's 6 billion population, but i did... it's fate, it's heaven's will. I will not deny. Packaging things is my forte... but i never knew how to package myself in front of you... i lost my ability to impress, ability to shine... and my confidence falls greatly. It hurts to be dejected... to not able to express...not able to say a word that i wanted to. My chance never came.
IF u thot that u were jus another... i cannot deny totally...maybe u were but u were different, i mean it. THe very idea tt i wanted to put in feelings and embark on something which i had long lost faith in was already a big step to take...especially it's without insurance, for someone like u. My life resembles a drama, urs a football game. When ours intersect, we wished that triumph would be for both of us... no one wants to lose, no one plans to fail. Had i been wiser... maybe things would have been better. I gave my life to God, i know he would give me wat i deserve. Perhaps someone like u, blessed with everything one could wish for is jus not meant to be... a transient feeling appeared and disappeared before we could anticipate... After all, we started out with the wrong move, who are we to decide? But our Heavenly Father.
Had i disappointed u? Or was ur expression jus working me up... i chose not to take it hard, not to pursue another reason why... i hate it... i aint a rock, i m still human. Has it ever come across to u tt i am also born a child of my parents? I am the beloved child of God like u? Never...was i treasured, never was i being regarded on the same platform as u... i never yearned for that position, cos i believe wat is mine would be mine eventually, still i wanted the attention, the time and lil sacrifices and simple expectations that one could have. But i jus cannot understand... i cannot apprehend the sense of loss, sense of insecurity, sense of transparency... u robbed it from me...i hadnt ask for repayment... the tears i've shed for myself for u... i rather not remember, ur promises... ur kindness shall be a form of rememberance. I will grow to be a better and stronger girl. I promise. Till then, take care... n i have to tell u, u did impact me really."
11:43 PM
alone* in the rain;
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