cEciLia*

Sunday, March 27, 2005

it's been a really long time since i last blogged...not tt i din want to, but due to the unsuccessful times of publishing my posts, i am just too sick to writing for 1 whole hr and then all my hardwork wasted within a click. SICK!

Hmmm, let me update u on my recent doings...
I've just put on 4.5kg...it's terrible...i hate myself for no controlling my diet...and now is the result tt i haf to bear wif...shito! aiya...i am sure i can lose those stupid kilos away soon..hahha...so optimistic huh> well, got to be...or else xc will say i always sad sad de...but then hor...i think he will nv say tt anymore...cos he cant be bothered wif me liaoz...perhaps cos i whine to much..but then again...i am just liddat la...i noe it;s no gd...but then hor...i need the attention from my friends u see...cos sometimes....there're many things tt i cannot control... just like i cant control my weight lar....aiya...i think i must really undergo a hell training tt i gotten lose like 6 to 8 kgs...so tt i can go back to an average type of body...too fat le lah...too fat will be left on the shelf de wor...

And talking abt being left on the shelf...guess wat i am very scared leh...i've always wanted to gat married b4 25...and haf 4 kids...but then think again rite...do i sound desperate to get married...hahah....actually sometimes i will only say but i think when the time comes..i will be very scared and worried tt i will not be able to commit myself into a marriage..scared lar...anxiety...cos as u see, the divorce rate is on the rise..and many times one cannot be able to commit to one person for his/her whole life...isnt tt sad? Dun u think tt a person shd just be specially curved out for that other one...so tt one has a unique partner and will nv leave tt person? Does it sound idealistic? But isnt tt perfect if it were to be this way..hahaha

hahaha....ok, but before u get married u wanna date first rite...date de partner must be compatible....compatible in terms of mentality, personality, family upbringing, education and lastly looks... i think all this makes a person unable to open up and date as nature wld like them to. cos most ppl whom are still good looking, great upbringing but still unattached is probably due to high expectations tt they want to find tt ideal man tt will suit them...but dun u think tt is quite sad cos u r actually forgoing the one who has alr be there for u all along and missing him out like tt... it's a waste of time and energy to looks for tt supposedly better person....who u think mite be the only one for u...
but there he is....waiting for u...discretely ne. THis reminds me of 2 pairs of ppl ard me...who are not treasuring wat they haf got beside them...and maybe they r just taking their time and eventually they will end up together de...hahah...but then again, dun disappoint me hor...or else i will feel so sad...cos i want also dun haf...

oh well, u see rite...life is not just abt love and nothing else..of cos everything ard us evolves ard love...but then again...there are many things in life tt we live for....we live for our family..friends and our dreams... i was once told dreams keep us alive and motivate us to live each day to achieve our goals in life... hmmm, well, recently i just went to sarah's church...i quite like it there, cos the feel is just nice..but wat i am worried is abt commitment...i think i wont be able to go to church weekly religiously...i am just too slack and i cant wake up for it....not tt i am not faithful but i feel tt believing in a religion means tt u agree wif wat it says and able to worship it as ur God...an idol... and the first time i attended sunday sch...auntie lingkheng talked abt revelations...i havent touched my bible for years man...and the first time i read revelations...i think it really touched my life deeply... when anyone feels tt life is getting tough for urself...u shd think abt it again...tt wat u r encountering now is just the process tt will get u to the ultimate aim tt u wished for...u r living for a dream tt u are abt to realise. u will only be able to relive tt dream thru all the processes tt u haf to undergo, which is making ur life terrible and upsetting now. But at the end of the day, u will be able to live ur dream alive... This is when u noe tt all ur efforts tt u haf put in are worth it... isnt tt heartwarming>?? and gives hope tt u will be able to go thru the ardous journey in life.

Wonderful, i think i will attain enlightenment soon...talking ab enlightenment...i think i am a bit de diff liaoz... Lishan noes it... i am getting more and more holy...no more ogling at guys, thinking abt relationships and stuffs...i will wait for them to fall for me...hahaaaah...wait long long rite? but it;s true la...i feel tt it's useless to go and force it the way u want..it's call letting mature takes its course..hahahah...i think it works for me..at least i think i am more relaxed..but mite not be happier tho...having fun and excitement is cool...and fun, but then the ups and down are common too...which makes life miserable at times, cos there's just too much worries. but now, i think i am much more calm and relaxed.. so i feel tt to a large extent i am more calm...and to others i am happier...hahah...do u think so>??

well, talking abt everything together... i believe tt bowling is making ups much of my life now...cos apart from studies...and family...i guess most of the time i haf now is spent on bowling...bowling...bowling...something tt i enjoy doing...something tt interest me...something tt makes me want to do more oftenly..something tt has brought me lots of laughter, friends and even pain...i love it... but at times, i dunno if i am doin the rite thing by putting bowling as my priority over council. i believe it is not politically correct in saying tt, but u see, council is abit de dead now la...haha, but then again i dun care much again...cos i've learnt tt i cant possibly make everyone happy and it is useless to live my life the way others want me to...so i will just be myself and the cecilia who will influence in the way tt i've always done...love ya ppl all!

Oh ya, and just a few days ago i read on the news tt they was this gal, call xiaxue who got lots of endorsement by just blogging....oh my...she's my aim man..i wanna be like her...hahah, anyway my blog has always been interesting and entertaining...no reason why they dun choose me...just tt i am not a very frequent blogger..haah...oh well, till then, i shall just say bye now! :)

8:43 PM
alone* in the rain;