10:28 AM
alone* in the rain;
wat's ur definition of true happiness?
Daryl asked me this qn...which took me less than 1 min to answer, that is reading a book and get inspired, crying non-stop after that. I have no idea why i said so... but i must say, i hardly read, so to me its really rare tt i read, and then cry abt a book. gosh, its really hard to achieve. So is it true happiness?
Wat's true happiness to most?
Earn big bucks? Getting a new LV wallet?
To me, its probably when u attain peace. PEace is achieved when u noe tt u gonna rest ur mind and not ponder over something or anything. When nothing happens, u attain peace.
I went after peace... Seeking for God's help. HE moved me. I am proud to say tt i m a christian. I am, cos i believed in GOD.
Do i ever believe in myself?
i do.... i believe tt i can overcome certain things. U?
IN life, no matter how much confidence we have, it needs to be reinforced by others. knowing that there'll be this group of frens/family tt will always be beside u! IT's most important remember! :)
I love u, and hope u love me too.
3:29 AM
alone* in the rain;
SOmetimes i wish i could have a chance to say all the things i wanted to...
"I really meant wat i said, for every word that i've promised, for everything tt i do, i do it for a reason...governed by my heart and soul...tho sometimes actions do not act as they were meant to be.... trust me for every word i said. I endured, i suffered, i joked, smiled and laughed... Tears were meant to roll, in times of happiness, in times of sadness... having u is a blessing for me, i wondered if i ever told u b4, really, it's a miracle that one meets another in the world's 6 billion population, but i did... it's fate, it's heaven's will. I will not deny. Packaging things is my forte... but i never knew how to package myself in front of you... i lost my ability to impress, ability to shine... and my confidence falls greatly. It hurts to be dejected... to not able to express...not able to say a word that i wanted to. My chance never came.
IF u thot that u were jus another... i cannot deny totally...maybe u were but u were different, i mean it. THe very idea tt i wanted to put in feelings and embark on something which i had long lost faith in was already a big step to take...especially it's without insurance, for someone like u. My life resembles a drama, urs a football game. When ours intersect, we wished that triumph would be for both of us... no one wants to lose, no one plans to fail. Had i been wiser... maybe things would have been better. I gave my life to God, i know he would give me wat i deserve. Perhaps someone like u, blessed with everything one could wish for is jus not meant to be... a transient feeling appeared and disappeared before we could anticipate... After all, we started out with the wrong move, who are we to decide? But our Heavenly Father.
Had i disappointed u? Or was ur expression jus working me up... i chose not to take it hard, not to pursue another reason why... i hate it... i aint a rock, i m still human. Has it ever come across to u tt i am also born a child of my parents? I am the beloved child of God like u? Never...was i treasured, never was i being regarded on the same platform as u... i never yearned for that position, cos i believe wat is mine would be mine eventually, still i wanted the attention, the time and lil sacrifices and simple expectations that one could have. But i jus cannot understand... i cannot apprehend the sense of loss, sense of insecurity, sense of transparency... u robbed it from me...i hadnt ask for repayment... the tears i've shed for myself for u... i rather not remember, ur promises... ur kindness shall be a form of rememberance. I will grow to be a better and stronger girl. I promise. Till then, take care... n i have to tell u, u did impact me really."
11:43 PM
alone* in the rain;
i am afraid that i might fall in love with someone that i might not love...
Weakness makes one susceptible to pitfalls, i am worried that i might not be strong enough to overcome this attraction. I dun wanna be so useless... i want to face it strongly and find the right person eventually.
9:05 PM
alone* in the rain;
a wish come true...
how many of us haf wishes come true?
Today i met someone of my dreams...he is tall dark and handsome..no more an indian
My everdearest masha, i bet i will nv see him again in my life.... if i even go to japan, i think he wld haf gone out of showbiz.
HE is the man who probably influenced me so much. Watching his shows, his performance on concerts, his songs, his emotions. I felt he was the 2nd guy whom i understood.
HE is wonderful, handsome, talented marvellous! i loved him... no one could beat him ever.
he taught me happiness, possession... and my interest in photography. Perhaps the only interest which i picked up frm his strings of talents. TTs why i am a sucker for photographers!
Believe me, if 1 day u ever meet someone that could make u feel fulfilled in ur life...make u understand how he is like, allowing u to love him as much as possible... one that comes to life-real life, treasure him. Embrace the moment. Seize the chance... I did, and i felt really happy, a girl who is willing to see him as who he is.... understand him and love him unconditionally.... i mean it... i_luv_masha... so much so tt my love is transferred over to someone who resembled him so much... if u were to ask me who...
Ivan, one whom i was so enthralled in when i saw him, the first time i understood how it feels like to be a girl and like a guy... wahha, he was 31 when i was only 12. Crazy isnt it. i tot so.
But today, not only i saw someone who reminded me so much abt masha, but someone who resembled ivan too... SEAN TAN. Thank you. :)
3:57 PM
alone* in the rain;
Ziyang's grandfather passed away... so did meepok uncle... and siying's father....
why did we got all ecstatic abt last office? isnt it quite sadistic...
I dun noe how i am gonna face death in my face one day, will i be cold and unfeeling or would i be extremely emotional?
I do not know, seriously...
10:33 PM
alone* in the rain;
am i a frank person?
i think most frens will say tt i am blunt... but truth is, true on the surface but deep within me, there are many other things which mattered so much tt i dun want to be hurt.
Cynthia asked me how can she break up wif her bf? I suggested, tell him tt u nid a break, for 1 mth... then tell him aft a mth tt u nid a clean break. Easy and simple, clear cut lo... Why do i say tt? it's cos i feel tt if the 2 of u are not suitable then let it be over, why drag into something which both of u haf to hold responsibility in future if all these carries on... honestly in my opinion, i rather not start a relationship then to start and end it abruptly
Daniel is melancholic...all the dans i noe are melancholic, pang and koh alike
i find it rather unusual tt a guy 26 who feels so strongly abt his family. Makes him a gd husband one day. But i am not saying it for myself, cos honestly i dun deserve such gd guy. i m not an angel. My exp in fam tells me tt its easily to leave it aside and take it wif a pinch of salt... not telling u to not care or not show any concern but its actually better if u can move on... aft all its not easy to accept all the hard facts in life. I choose to forgive and forget.
11:20 AM
alone* in the rain;
there are so many things in life tt happened and pass over... but there are certain memories which stays in u every moment of ur life...to the extent tt u find it hard to forget abt it, and the more u think they harder u find it to not step into the whirlpool of memories
i nid to move on, really... tt is why i chose to clear up my thots, i nid some sort of motivation and new experiences which can make me temporarily or permanently put my memory in the old bank of my brain. But wat its said is not tt easy to be fulfilled. Life after all is abt experiencing the gd and bad.
He is unforgettable. so much so tt it pains me all the time when i mention him to my frens, when i recalled all the times and the things he said to me, wif so much kindness... but i noe its over, and i shd move on. HOw?! when u can nv in ur entire life meet someone who is jus as understanding, sweet and warm... how can i move on?
11:10 AM
alone* in the rain;
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